


Deep Breaths

by Rainewritesfanfics



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Post-Canon, Present Tense, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29782134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainewritesfanfics/pseuds/Rainewritesfanfics
Summary: Some nights, Anthy can hear it.It’s the way Utena's breath comes in short little gasps. Pink lips parted to gulp down air, but the past trauma renders Utena unable to do even that.
Relationships: Himemiya Anthy/Tenjou Utena
Comments: 5
Kudos: 16





	Deep Breaths

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my drafts for about 3 years and I suddenly got the motivation to finish it.

Some nights, Anthy can hear it. 

It’s the way Utena's breath comes in short little gasps. Pink lips parted to gulp down air, but the past trauma renders Utena unable to do even that. 

Anthy wakes up every time. She watches, always fearful that this time she’ll lose Utena for real. 

She knows from experience that it’s better to let Utena sleep through this, but that does not soothe Anthy. 

Each time, Utena will choke on air—brows furrowed and chest heaving—for several terrifying minutes before her body remembers how to breathe. Her lungs remember how to inflate. Her shuddering subsides back into those deep, even breaths, and Anthy’s heart starts to beat again.

Utena has never said anything, but Anthy knows. Utena can still feel the sword. Her betrayal echoes in those jagged midnight breaths. 

Those nights, Anthy faces her sleeping lover and feels the tears wetting her own cheeks.

Apologies catch in her throat. She knows Utena does not blame her, but it doesn’t stop Anthy from blaming herself. 

Tonight is one of those nights. 

Laying on her side, Anthy runs her hand over Utena’s cheek. “Breathe,” she wills her lover. “Breathe, Utena.”

Anthy hears the high, breathless gasps catching in Utena’s throat. She’s drowning in the memory of her own blood.

“Stay with me,” she murmurs, letting magic lace her words. “You’re alright,” she soothes, rubbing the sweat-dampened skin. “I will never hurt you again,” Anthy swears, running her hand down Utena’s sternum.

She can feel the edges of Utena’s scar under her right breast. 

“Breathe.”

It’s shuddering, but Utena manages one full inhale.

A smile breaks across Anthy’s face. “That’s it.” She strokes Utena’s chest and wipes at her eyes with her other hand. “Deep breaths.”

It’s gradual, but the crease between Utena’s brows smooth. Her lungs find their rhythm once more, and she relaxes. 

Anthy sighs her relief and curls up again with her head over Utena’s steady heart. It’s an assurance that she can’t live without. 

Wrapping her arm around Utena’s waist, Anthy takes her own shuddering breath, inhaling as much of Utena’s cologne as possible. 

She’s safe.

Utena reaches for Anthy in her sleep, pulling her impossibly closer. Anthy let’s her damp eyes fall closed as sleep beckons her back.

They’re safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
